40 what i talk about when i need more sleep

i am currently caught in the middle of one of the few moments when time is passing slowly because it's bearing its weight on my heavy eyelids. the sun is streaming through my curtains and onto my face but i am unable to feel anything of the warmth except the humidity of dread. i want to write something but i have nothing to write about even though there are billions of things in the world, maybe the answer is to stop thinking in numbers. i want to smash a window and watch the panes of glass turn blue and become part of the sky which looks unusually clear today so why is my mind usually clouded and hazy? because i am not really a part of the sky or anything else at all but my own being and soul, if i have a soul. the houses in my head are all blind with net curtains and ugly mismatched furniture. responsibility has done nothing except cripple me and now my eyelids are heavy with the sun and time bearing their weight upon them. my eyes are going to burst and nobody will really notice. i suppose that's the average punishment for somebody who asks these questions and tries to break things until their fists are bloody or for the person who craves sleep. i need to drift off now for a number of days weeks months years until the world wakes me up and there are flowers instead of pavements again and unslaughtered cattle trotting down dirt roads instead of people and their cars.

39 addicted to cute knickers

i firmly believe that short nails are able to be pretty as well.

my hayfever is incredibly bad.

38 claude monet and revelations

i really wish that i could paint and do creative things like monet but instead i sit alone in my room eating and watching poor quality tv on repeat and moaning about my slow internet connection. i think i understand how boring i come across to other people now and how trivial my life seems. nothing ever really happens because i don't make it happen. all i do is whine about it. so i am sorry to all the people who read these but also thank you. i might move my bum eventually and do something cool.

37 broken laptop

life as of lately:

feminist prose

 

the colouring book briony and alex bought for matt's birthday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a day in brighton.

36 a second childhood

bugs plants and the play station matt bought me ♡♡♡♡ are my favourite things i think i am going through a second childhood. things are pretty busy but it is nice not to have college. the weather is bad again and i thought i would like to press flowers but i have no flowers to press.

35 things which are nice//the same old obsessions

recent new purchases and a dragonfly model we found in some trees when we were crossing a bridge which didn't photograph that well. matt bought me a second hand ps2!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am learning that it is okay to mix different things up like i can't really explain it but it is good i suppose at the moment what i like making is little books but i need more ephemera and cardboard and other cute materials like that. i need places to put it all and i am sitting here whining about how i have none of it rather than organising myself- i think that is pretty typical of me.

34 the turn of the week//month

▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐ what am i and what am i supposed to be ▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐
what do i really do
what am i supposed to do
▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐░▐
i cannot decide or think my imagination is dead somebody tell me
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a list of things i often wonder

• why can i not stop biting off my nail varnish
• has anybody ever sold their own diary on ebay
• do people ever pick a random name&address from the phone book and write to them.  ✿
• why is it so strange to write poems
• should i be embarrassed anymore
• is being rude to customers a bad idea