#45 reflective post about nothing in particular

new books and fringe (i'm not sure what to think about the fringe in particular, the books will always be cool though)

so today i decided that i was sick of all the things i used to write weighing down on me and recycled about ninety percent of writing. there is now a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. i hate to sound like a stereotypical teen (so what if i am, all the same) but so much rubbish and bad things have happened in 2011 and even the years before weren't great so it feels good to get rid of the things i had been holding onto. my writing from last year is also so painfully bad that i am only relieved to see the back of it. next year i will certainly feel the same about the things i wrote this year but for now it doesn't matter. i am not expecting much to even change between now and this time next year, where between this year and last year they have done so and in massive steps too. it makes me feel glad because i had nothing to live for then and i was glued to the worst people in the world. i have learnt that people don't matter at all and they don't affect my feelings anymore.

2012

it's probably not the most appropriate time to do a self-indulgent post of self-indulgent thoughts like this because it isn't as though the end of the year has approached, this is just a random day in july when for the first time in two months, the weather has grown hot. but all the same, i suppose this can be my mid-year (or just after) review. this is the first year i've been to another country and been able to comfortably speak the language. this is the first year i've achieved straight As (only two in my january exams but it counts) and the first year i've started taking reading seriously and i think above that, that is the most important thing. there's also my boyfriend who wants to go to different places with me and an established group of friends, i've been camping for the first time and i joined amnesty international.

it could all go wrong from here.

#44 thoughts of the recent months/days/weeks/moments/seconds

• i have been trying to read more books (catch 22 [yuck], blind faith, hollywood, despair, brave new world)
• i have too many things and not enough room for them, even though they are nasty and gross, i am somehow attached to them in a strange and emotional way at the same time.
• listening to myself talk and the monologue in my head can bore me to death a lot of the time (i wish it was possible to step into someone else's skin and listen to them instead)
• currently i am on a path to working in retail for the rest of my life- i need to work harder at college so i don't end up a sales assistant for tacky shops forever.
• theory of mind should never have existed in the first place.

#43 we didn't make it west

a disection of the aforeshown (not a word) pictures.
i. the squalor of the tent.
ii. east wittering beach in the evening and the pretty shapes of the ripples in the sand.
iii. dry and yellow sea foam.
iv. puddles part one.
v. puddles part two.
vi. some fields (not very interesting).
vii. me and matt walking to the beach where we jumped in the water.
viii. the sea (choppy)
ix. chop.
x. camping chairs.
xi. brave new world.
xii. people's feet were disgustingly dirty.
xiii. risotto (nice) cooked in water which tasted like plastic.
xiv. the daddy long legs in our sleeping area. maybe somebody killed it.

42 another dragging through the days sort of time

nothing exciting has been happening recently to take pictures of except i am using a really childish purse because i have no other purses with enough room for all my stuff and my mum nearly killed this cactus so i am trying to save it.

my pit beards are really undramatic because they are blonde. i feel sad about finishing my first year at college tomorrow. i think i might be one of those wet drips who cry when it actually comes to leaving despite having a vow of loathing for the town i live in.

i want to invest in more plants.

41 tree houses and second hand books

what i have been doing and reading recently (except i haven't read them yet, just bought them) i need to stop buying books and start reading them.

i feel cold today even though it is july and i wish everyone and everything would leave me alone.